Neurodivergence and female hormones

Navigating the female experience as a neurodivergent woman can be complicated, distressing and sometimes completely overwhelming!!

From the time when my hormones first kicked in in my early teens, I started having problems. While all young women experience the effects of hormonal mood fluctuations, mine always seem to be particularly extreme. This has continued throughout my life and I have often been heard to say "I get two good weeks out of every month!" and to be honest that’s generous.

One week out of every month I experience a rage like no other. I lose all of my distress tolerance. I become irritable, fatigued and angry and this is prime breeding ground for complete meltdowns and violent outbursts.

The following week I will be emotional, tearful, despondent and often wracked with guilt or shame about how I have behaved during the previous week . Sometimes this feeling of despondency can continue after the hormones of subsided and I feel frustrated, hopeless and despairing.

My experience is not unique. In fact I could imagine if you ask most neurodivergent women they would probably say that they struggle disproportionately with female hormone fluctuations.

From the sensory side of things just dealing with the physical sensations the feeling of a pad or tampon, the experience of dampness or leakage, the cramps, the sweating, the fatigue- the list goes on and on!!

Then there is the psychological impact having yet another thing to deal with, something else to think about and having to make sure you take care of the physical aspect. Add into that- the brain fog or cognitive impairment that sometimes comes with hormonal changes.

All of this can be completely overwhelming for the neurodivergent woman. You might be thinking "I know all this but what can I do about it?!" I can only speak to my own experience and the best I have been able to come up with for myself is to plan ahead for those weeks.

I know that planning and preparing meals is going to be difficult so I make sure that’s whatever meal plans have in place are simple and straightforward, even if that means microwave meals or pizzas.

I will make sure I don’t have important meetings appointments or an excessive number of social events or anything that might be stressful or difficult to manage during those hard weeks.

I will try and plan things in for self-care maybe a facial, maybe a coffee with a trusted friend, maybe a session with a therapist or just as much alone time as I can possibly find so that I can just sit with my feelings without having to worry about that impact on somebody else. I prioritise rest and sleep. I try and make sure that I’m drinking enough water and even if I’m eating meals of convenience, I try to make sure that they are nutritious. If I can’t manage that, I will use supplements to make sure my body is getting what it needs to function.

I will try to engage in movement or exercise, even a gentle walk can help process some of those stress hormones and chemicals that tend to flow through the body during these times. A walk out in nature can be an excellent way to clear some of the negative rumination and self critical thoughts that can sometimes bombard my brain during these hormonal surges.

Above all else, I do my very best to be kind to myself- to recognise that this is hard and challenging and for most people there is nobody else look after us, so we have to find a way to take care of ourselves. I tried to forgive myself for any outburst or unreasonable behaviour and make sure I’m accountable. I often forewarn people especially my children. I will say my patience is low at the moment. My teenagers have a tendency to like winding me up so I will speak firmly and clearly and make sure they understand that now is not the time.

And now let’s venture into perimenopause where everything that I just discussed reaches a new level of insanity. It seems wildly unfair to me that as I have navigated through life learning new coping strategies and picking up self-care tips that now my hormone situation has decided to level up and render most of these solutions obsolete!!

I have found myself struggling unbearably with feelings of rage resentment and overwhelm as I enter this new stage. As a recovering people pleaser I seem to have moved very swiftly from wanting to please everyone to wanting to tell everyone to F right off.

This has been a a stage of life that seems to have encouraged the most unmasking. It isn’t even a choice. I have simply lost the ability to mask my true feelings and opinions. In some ways it’s been quite liberating and in others it has caused me much distress.

I have found myself choosing to isolate rather than risk of upsetting someone with my unfiltered honesty. Work has been difficult, brain fog has increased, distress tolerance has reduced and the path to overwhelm seems much shorter.

It has become more important to take the steps I mentioned earlier and also to connect with other women who are experiencing the same. I can often be found sharing female specific memes and videos with my friends who are in the same stage of life. Finding humour in an amongst all of this chaos is essential. Celebrating some of the impact (particularly the reduction in f**ks given!) can be uplifting.

Above all else, I employ you to honour yourself as a woman, to be proud of your strength and to seek company and camaraderie in your fellow Warriors. Know that you have made it this far and you will navigate this next stage much the same way, adapting and growing as you go.